“He only earns his freedom and his life who takes them every day by storm.” --Johann W. von Goethe
Geez, maybe my dear friend Tom thinks Mr. Goethe actually meant what he wrote. Tom is worse than the nastiest alarm clock attacking my sacred slumber. The man can wake you up from the doldrums of a so-so job: he will pester you into doing what you want to do. ’Hell beguile you, enthrall you, and invigorate you until you give up the pitiful misery of a disliked career. If Tom can’t stimulate you into your active pursuit of work life happiness, you’re doomed anyway.

Damned fools we are, all of us. Rich or poor, we are inconsistent and so funny in the handling our wallets.

Your happiness and your money require your boundless and playful freedom to make mistakes:  are you willing to screw up? Will you mess up good and often?  Can you do regrettable things and decide not to regret them? You are entirely responsible for your adventure and for the outcome. More so, you must be able to laugh about issues that drive others to suicide. How much fun can you take?

Hope lies between you and your happiness.  How can you be happy today if you are waiting for better times anxiously? Peddling hope can produce shit loads of money as you have witnessed and experienced unfortunately (ever been a member of a church or part of a network marketing religion?), but it is always a win-lose type of transaction. Being a sucker for hope is costly and it deprives you of your happiness, while your freedom remains uncultivated.  The best thing you can do with hope is giving it up for good.

Abandon self-improvement.  If there wasn't the Monday Morning After, motivational and self-improvement seminars could be such a meaningful way to spend your weekends and your money.  And how has that been working for you? What more is it than plain addictive behavior on a deeper and more sophisticated level? Agreed, our silly attempts to improve ourselves do have entertainment value--as some sort of spiritual masturbation.  Beyond that, all offers of self-improvement products imply that you're not good enough. Self-improvement is detrimental to your self-esteem. It destroys confidence and intuition, the most important traits you need to enjoy yourself and ultimately to make money.

Get rich quick!  Come again? Making plenty of money can be fun and if I can contribute to your drastically or gradually increased income, I shall be grateful. However, neither I nor anybody else can promise that it'll happen to you soon or ever:  There is NO "ironclad system for people like you"!  In fact, there aren't even other people like you, because you are an individual with all the benefits and disadvantages that come with it. At any rate, you can have a grand time with or without accumulating assets. The discussions of "rich" and "poor", the differences, and how to make it from poor to rich are absurd and construed. Only bloody idiots try to get rich.  Being rich won’t buy you anything, having cash in your pockets will. I suggest for you to stick with simply making money. There is nothing wrong with money and:  the--legally and ethically sound--ways of monetary acquisition are practically unlimited.

Freedom is free.  Duh!  Happiness is easier to obtain than you think. And you got some money already. I won't teach you new tricks, I refuse to give you advice, and you don't have to learn anything.  You are indeed good enough as you are today. What, then, is my mission? What's the purpose of my stuff?

I'm not on a mission from god. There is no absolute truth to anything and I am not conceited enough to believe in any purpose. If my writing makes you laugh, great!  If I can instigate you to explore your freedom and if you feel inspired to make regrettable mistakes, what more could I ask for?

Disclaimer:  Note, that everything you are going to read and digest here is NO investment or professional advice whatsoever!  My ideas have entertainment value at best and before you put any of them to use, do yourself a favor and see your damned physician! In a nutshell, this is what you can expect:

No Promise
No Delivery
No Benefit
No Guarantee
No Satisfaction

"Reason Foundation's tolerance, civility, and consistency in defending individual liberty make it a haven for believers in a free society of all shades of opinion". --Milton Friedman, Nobel Laureate in Economics

"Reason," writes The Columbus Dispatch, "manages to offend leftists with its defense of biotechnology, free trade and school choice, even as it appalls conservatives by supporting gay marriage, open immigration and drug legalization."

“I never have time to think about the real Andy Warhol, I’m just so busy ... not working, but busy playing, because work is play when it’s something you like.” --Andy Warhol

“So glad to hear from you - your newsletter was great as usual. I think of the Mary Poppins song, "I Love to Laugh" - just insert "I love to hate," and it's hilariously true.
Thanks for the reminder!” --Kay G.

Money has less in common with money than you may be inclined to think. In fact: everything else is more connected to money than money itself.  Weird?  No need to panic:  just get your mind off your dough for a minute or two. Profound, eloquent, and hilarious: Ajaban will "guide you through the Apocalypse for fun and profit!™"

"I'm dumbfounded, awestruck, perplexed, befuddled. I'm a miserable bastard going through a divorce and unemployed, who at 35 doesn't know what to do for peace of mind or soul. I'm not looking for you to solve my problems - I just find your writings fascinating." --B.T.

"Did you know that you belong in the loony bin, you screwball? No one can help you anymore, you idiotic imbecile."
Anonymous, Schweinfurt, Germany

"You are a menace to society."  --S.B.K., AZ

"I'm listening to your tape on my piece-of-shit clock radio tape player. I love it because it runs slow and you sound like SATAN and Arnold Schwarzenegger all in one. I wanted to thank you because just reminding me to embrace my failures allowed me to drive through the city of Hollywood without being depressed by the concrete environment. I previously thought only when I "had it made" could I ever feel that way about that."
C.K., CA

“You have unconventional wisdom that's unique to you.  I'm not sure what the mainstream would think of what you have to say. I've noted when I talk to people along the lines that you lay out, they tend to get turned off or even a little pissed off.  I think the reason for this is it tends to go against everything they have been taught and believed all their lives.  Well, I'm going to go back and read some more of your rants as I find them quit refreshing.” --K.B.

"To me the ideas as published on your site are new and refreshing. I have done a lot of the other motivational stuff such as goal setting etc., and it is time to break out of that and get a life! Your approach seems much more natural and I would like to learn more about it."
R.S., The Netherlands

"I have not laughed as much as I have reading the information on rumpelstilz.com. Laughing is something I have needed to do right now because I have been taking life all a bit to seriously over the last couple of months. I have been able to laugh at myself and the mistakes I have made with money as I read through your website. You know what? The sun will rise tomorrow whether I have money or not and it is up to me to choose the attitude of how I will greet the day and others around me." --M.P., Australia

"When economists reach agreement on the theory of capital, they will shortly reach agreement on everything else. Happily, for those who enjoy a diversity of views and beliefs, there is very little danger of this outcome.
Indeed, there is at present not even agreement as to what the subject is about." --Christopher J. Bliss,
Capital Theory and the Distribution of Income

“Oh, Egbert, you are so funny! I'm in stitches everytime I read your newsletter. To take an unvarnished truth and make it funny is one thing, but you are completely off the charts in driving home a point with such alacrity and humor! You hit the bull's eye and drive the arrow clean through the wall!” --L.C.

"You've got to follow your passion. You've got to figure out what it is you love — who you really are. And have the courage to do that. I believe that the only courage anybody ever needs is the courage to follow your own dreams." --Oprah

“I totally appreciate your reminders and insights. I need the wake-up call. It's comforting. I do print them out from time to time and read them out to my mother, and she loves it too. It lets us know it's ok to be more ... human. God bless U.” --P.

“You've got to find what you love.  Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.  And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking.  Don't settle.  As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.  And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.” --Steve Jobs

Stay Hungry.
Stay Foolish.

Measly $25 can increase quality of life, yours and theirs: kiva.org.
Be somebody’s banker. You’re rich enough!

“Thank you Egbert, your articles delight me tremendously!” --Christine

”Oh, by the way ... I really enjoyed your newsletter on 'will power'. It opened my eyes on how habits come about.  I'll drink to that!  You've been the highlight of my day.” --B.A.

"Wow, your site has an attitude.  Every god damn site I go to is so politically correct, other than porn sites. You say it like it is. Thanks." --C.

Employees hate their jobs almost by definition. According to Forbes Magazine, 87% of Americans don’t like their jobs. No surprise here. Shocking is that hardly anybody questions the status quo of modern slavery. We, the citizens of a developed country, scream for MORE jobs we can hate? That’s what “developed” means: hating what we do with our lives?!

If you despise your current job, chances are you won’t like your next job either. 87% hate their jobs today and 87% will hate what they do next month. Am I suggesting a revolution against “the oppressors?” Indeed, but who is the oppressor? The “evil corporations?” Absolutely NOT! Employers only provide the means for you to do what you crave to hate (“It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere.” --Voltaire).

School and college have prepared us to live life in hatred, to live the best years of our life looking forward to end it--with retirement. It is insane to quietly accept being bereft of an enjoyable and productive life. WE are guilty ourselves of murdering our individuality, creativity, and our freedom.

You desire to love your job or to find a job you can enjoy? Are you out of your mind? It won’t happen soon, but if you hate what you do today you can hate it better in the future ... much better, in fact. My new book “How to Better Hate Your Job” seems crazy--and indeed it is unruly, wild, and provocative. No, it is not politically correct. I’m so sorry, dear!

Oh, you are self-employed, an entrepreneur perhaps, and you believe this book is not for you?  Think again:  can you afford not to know what’s going on in the minds and in the subconscious regions of job-hating employees? Really?! Even if you are not an employer, you deal with such people every day.  Even for you it’s time to get a clue.

Get your copy now--Paperback or FREE eBook download--and tell your friends, enemies, and your hunchbacked relatives about it. For the time being, it’s an “Advanced Reader’s Copy.” Some bugs still need to be eliminated and few things have to be altered before the final version will go to print. So? What are you waiting for? ’It’s important to do at least one regrettable thing every day ...

Hey, do not trust me!

You may feel compelled to believe me. Wrong. Don’t ever believe me. Test my ideas. Consider my quirky theories and try them out. Dismiss what doesn’t work for you. Customize for your own purposes all that you find useful in my material. Intelligent and skeptical people with a well developed sense of humor are my favorite people to hang out with. They deride credentials and testimonials. You don’t deserve to be bothered with a list of questionable accomplishments of my murky past. I’d lie to you anyway, just as your favorite politicians and their gardeners do.

Am I on a mission to bring peace and wealth to the masses? Just thinking about words like mission or purpose gives me uncontrollable hiccups. Geezus no, but if my stuff pries a smile out of you or inspires you to have more fun making an extra buck, I consider myself a lucky and successful bastard. Hence I am inviting you to read my newsletter.

Money and markets don’t behave like obedient German Shepherds and the most common money problems are rarely math problems. Shock of shocks, you can’t solve even money problems with money. That’s right: Money can’t solve money problems! Plans fail, goals shatter, and so many of our endeavors turn out to be futile. There is no absolute truth to hold on to and you can’t trust anybody. But wait, there is an exception: you can trust your mistakes. The most trustworthy, inventive, and down-to-earth advisors you can find are your very own mistakes. If you’re afraid to make new mistakes or to repeat old ones, you are doomed and cursed to eternal stagnation.

Sure, mistakes are kind of ugly. Few things have a worse reputation than making the same mistake twice or multiple times. Yet your willingness to make mistakes freely and frequently is your private door to THE exploration of freedom par excellence. If you can’t make mistakes, you aren’t truly free. If you want to be free, you MUST make mistakes. One without the other can’t be had. Deep satisfaction in life and increased income depend on the highest failure rate you can put up with emotionally? Put up with it and “cope”? That won’t work. As long as you despise your mistakes, you won’t increase anything but your grief.

You can’t afford to regret mistakes of the past. Wear your financial scars with pride! REWARD yourself for your most embarrassing blunder. Embrace your past mistakes and invite new ones. Mistakes are more honest than your best friends and you want to keep a lid on the only thing that’s on your side?

The more mistakes you’re making, the easier it is for you to discover in which direction you want to go. I don’t have answers that guarantee your financial well-being. I won’t offer any advice. I have no clue what’s right for you. Hell, I don’t even know what is best for myself. My admittedly provocative material may instigate you to make more--ethically and legally sound--mistakes. I encourage screw ups, adventure, and above all: humor. As long as you’re willing to make your next mistake, you can’t possibly fail.

Bungle along with me, for the fun of it:

winning loser

"One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one man buys, another sells, and both think they are astute." -- William Feather

"Working at what you enjoy is far more important than what you're working at." --Malcolm Forbes

Amigo,

"'Money by mistake?' Ridiculous! What is that supposed to mean? - I show up every day at work, I do my job, and I'm getting paid every month. If I allow myself to make a couple of mistakes, it's the END of my regular income and not the beginning of more money!"

Once in a while, I listen to that speech or to a slightly altered variety. If that's how you think, you are right! But, so are a few million other people with their individual version of experiencing the reality of money. Think of a money related decision you discussed recently--with a friend, your dad, spouse, sibling, one of your employees, or with your accountant: did they agree with you? Would everyone of them choose the exact option you thought was your best? Of course not! Are the ones wrong who disagree with you and you are right? Or vice versa? In the worst case, there will be more differing opinions about the perfect solution for your money issues than there are people you're willing to talk to about such an intimate subject.

Do what you think is right. Back up your opinion with the nurturing agreement of a dozen friends, and BAM! ... a million other people will think you are making a huge mistake and that you are an idiot. Whatever you end up doing, it'll be considered a mistake by someone else. You can't help but making gargantuan mistakes by doing ANYTHING! Working for WalMart can't be wrong. Millions of employees do, and it's the largest employer in the U.S. besides the government. Still, you'll be making a mistake: I can personally introduce you to a person who thinks that you are working for an organization that is worse than the Sicilian Mafia. And if you are working for the Mafia, I'd think you are about to make one or two dinosauric mistakes, if you haven't already done so.

You cannot escape the making of mistakes! If you're producing any money today it's by ways of mistakes, seen from other people's perspectives. "Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them!?" Only a school teacher could come up with such nonsense, a person who escaped the challenge of facing the real world. What a brain dead thing to tell a child! No. Make mistakes, repeat them, and get over it. You are in damned good company. Yeah, but can't we just plan, set a couple of goals, and reach them with dedication and perseverance, as some clowns beg us to believe? I wonder why that pattern doesn't work so well right now for General Motors or for most parts of the airline industry. Don't they have someone on their payroll who knows how to plan and succeed?

On the other hand, there is William Wrigley Jr. Co. (WWY), the chewing gum manufacturer. Did Mr. Wrigley sit down next to his knitting wife one mild autumn evening, did he draft a strategy how to gum the world, and then, did he wiggle through with his plan no matter what? Nope, he did not! Wrigley had NO CLUE that there was money to be made with chewing gum. The Wrigleys sold baking soda, and each package of baking soda contained a piece of chewing gum as a freebie. BY MISTAKE, they discovered what worked. Eventually, Wrigley found that customers bought baking soda to get the gum, and the soda business was dropped. William Wrigley Jr. Co., a company with a 14 billion dollar market cap, flourished by mistake.

Yeah, but that is an old hat. Today, the corporate world knows precisely what to do and when to cause the desired results. Don't be too sure, Babe! Ever heard of Viagra? Pfizer was dabbling with a drug called "Sildenafil" in the early 1990s to treat heart problems such as angina. R & D people at Pfizer said that Sildenafil had a side effect, increasing blood flow to the penis, allowing men to reverse erectile dysfunction. Pfizer's marketing people said 'hell no, THAT IS the DESIRED effect'! Sildenafil was trade named Viagra and the rest is history. Viagra happened by mistake: Pfizer was not PLANNING to make dirty old men and their girlfriends happy!

I love the snake oil industry! The goal setting craze is a cute part of it and if you have suffered through any network marketing meeting, you know what I mean. You can sell tons of snake oil when you are willing to tell tons of suckers that there are just a few easy steps to take to climb the short ladder of success. It never seizes to amaze me that a certain type of person actually feels gratefully supported and cared for when told that snake oil plus personal goals equals desired results. Set a goal, draw up a plan to reach that goal, and act upon it with discipline and positive thinking. Wow! Really? You know, if the universe actually worked in that embarrassingly simplistic fashion, the world would be void of corporate consultants, small business coaches, motivational quacks, and babbling dabbling dumbasses like me!

Reality couldn't care less about people's insane need to hold on to seemingly logical yet useless thought structures. Would your precious little world collapse without your silly system? There is no "ironclad system" to life, success, or money. Addiction to and faith in systems feed hope and allow the believer to never consciously face the reality of possibility and probability.

Interactions between human beings--the stuff that makes up most of what we call "reality"--are not based on logic or reason. It's not rationality that drives the stock market. Buyers of cars, books, gold, and soap don't make reasonable decisions. It's insane to believe that the world around you functions based on sanity. A sober mind is required to see that our human environment is utterly insane- -I'm afraid that includes you and me--and to deal with it counter intuitively. Reason is not at all the norm. Reason is the unexpected exception. Don't bet on a system you can "understand"!

Strong belief in knowing or discovering the right system to success and money, can PREVENT you from experiencing success and from making decent money! Hope, to have found the right method, can keep you from taking chances and from ongoing experimenting. In business, in the markets, or in gambling--there is absolutely NO system that works reliably. Ten years of Yoga can't relax you as much as the realization that there is no such thing as the perfect method.

I know, a few angry networking friends sharpen their pencils already to tell me for the umpteenth time that they have found THE method. Good for you buddy, but if it worked so well for you, you wouldn't bother being pissed about my rants. Networkers are desperate to be "ON" at all times, but they aren't necessarily happy people. MLMlers aren't playful and shit, 99% of them don't have the money they're after, either. Network marketing people are hoping and praying that pyramid schemes will work one day. And they are dead serious: that's why they're so angry about a fly in their murky soup. They may as well invest their time in the development of the perpetual-motion machine. But it should work, shouldn't it?!

Why do I have to upset our dear MLM friends again? Because the average networker is the poster child of a system seeker. She loves the totalitarian system! She is eager to win. She wants to do it right. And she won't settle for anything less than winning BIG. BIG mistake! Sorry, I won't belabor here what works and which elements can't work in any network marketing system (as a sore rule of thumb: the arguments that make the most sense are the fattest lies!). Those are meaningless details. Let's lie and say it works perfectly like clockwork. That would be the absolute WORST scenario that could happen to you in a MLM scheme. Say what?

A system that appears to be working turns you into an obedient German Shepard, the average Nazi's favorite dog. Your individuality is out the window. Forget freedom. Freedom is reserved for cats and playful Cocker Spaniels, but not for you as a more or less decent human being. A system--and since they don't exist for real, just the hope for the perfect money making system--enslaves you and steals from you the very traits that make you so remarkably special. While escaping the danger of making a couple of mistakes in life, you are making one of the most grave mistakes you are capable of: destruction of your individuality. Not enough, the working slave DEFENDS his slavery and teaches his children to accept the same fate, just like so many victims of domestic violence will defend their beating husbands and ... did you have to remind me? ... just like the average German over 75 creates perverse ways to defend his former oppressors. I can understand it psychologically, but it's revolting nevertheless. I won't watch it and sit here quietly, nodding my bald head.

Network marketing serves just as a metaphor. My evil speech applies to almost any job: you are anxious to get one; throughout the first two weeks of your new job (if the euphoric spasm lasts that long), you are happy that you were chosen; then the job, the people, the politics begin eating away at your soul and your self-respect goes South quickly. The worst that can happen to you is getting juicy and frequent raises and being promoted faster than you could wish for.

Uh, that's life!? Is it, now? If you are very lucky and very healthy, there may be life after retirement, but there is NONE before--precisely the reason why the normal sucker is thinking about retirement in the first place. Most jobs deaden people's individuality. Employment doesn't unfold your complex character. Jobs aren't meant to help personalities to blossom. If school hasn't driven the YOU out of you successfully, the next forty years of jobs will. That's how safe and secure jobs are. Money or no money, house or apartment--it doesn't matter: you lose! After a while, it's safe to say that you will have forgotten what you really want. You won't care about your and other people's individuality. True freedom will be just another word, void of substance and meaning. Not being bothered and offended--by me for instance--will be more important to you than lofty ideals of the constitution.

Don't blame the "evil corporations"! Nothing wrong with them. They just take advantage of legions of people who angrily scream for and zealously cheer over the creation of mind numbing new jobs. "Yeah, but the benefits are fantastic." You moron! Corruption doesn't start with a politician accepting a $200,000 check: it begins with the minimum wage whore getting randy with benefits. I am surprised why people are appalled by suicide: most have butchered their individuality long ago and the only thing that distinguishes them from their neighbor are make and color of their minivan. If you love life so much, the last thing you want to do is wait for retirement for ANY reason.

Why am I hurling this dirt at you? One of you--a long term subscriber of my newsletter and I consider him a dear friend--asked me, "why do you write these messages?" I wasn't shocked about him asking. I was rather shocked that I'm not making it clear enough apparently, in every single letter. So again, thank you Tom, for awakening the beast! This newsletter issue is the second installment of your answer. I produce this stuff to promote your individuality, your freedom, and your damned happiness. If necessary, against your better judgment.

Sure, I want you to make money, but if you have to sacrifice your unique character traits in the process--what have you won, what can you buy with that money? Certainly, you will not be able to buy back time. I don't believe that you can win by losing first: "If I make plenty of millions before I'm 45 (killing myself as a dork trader-- oops, it's day trader I guess--or what have you), I can afford to quit and live freely afterward." Some real ugly bird must have shat into the brains of those who think that way. There are entire neighborhoods with relatively young retired Microsoft millionaires in Seattle. Happiest folks on the block are the shrinks who help them cope with their "pain" of having piles of dough and nothing to do. You think I'm kidding? I am not! Hallo, HALLO ... if you think I'm speaking out against having huge piles of money: YOU ARE WRONG! Having a shit load of money is perfectly fine. Not knowing what you want to do to enjoy your miserable life is perfectly dumb regardless of your bank balance.

"Feels good to be a winner", says Jack Welch. Good for him, but most people don't have a choice in that matter. They don't WANT to win. They HAVE to, because they can't afford to lose. They're driven to succeed by the panic of having to lose otherwise! Does it really feel good to be a pathological winner? I understand, you don't want to be a loser. But if you can't afford to lose, you will lose anyway- -even if you think you're winning. Why? Because, if you are not free to win, you have to give up your freedom to get where your obsession forces you to go. One more time, if losing is not an option for you, you will never know true freedom. You MUST win--big, of course--to gain financial independence? Don't be silly!

You do have a chance to win when you don't care how much of a loser other people think you are. With your most noble and pure intentions, you will make mistakes while raising your children. Why not? It gives them something to talk about with their future therapists. There is not one person on planet Earth who can live life and make money without making a mistake a minute.

You make a choice, you make a mistake--doubly so while you're trying to avoid mistakes.

So be it,

Egbert

P.S.:  If you enjoyed it, hated it, or if you are not so sure, go to Yahoo Groups and read past issues of my free money-by-mistake newsletter: http://finance.groups.yahoo.com/group/moneybymistake/.  And, while there, go ahead and subscribe also: You will receive upcoming issues via e-mail.

P.P.S.:  You think I should cough up some blog type thingy related to issues discussed here?  Why not?  Check it out at Google Schmoogle.